


Panic Attack

by Cody_Helene



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, But also he’s pretty BA, But only a little, Fear of Abandonment, Getting Together, Holy shit I was just re-reading this, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith and Shiro are Siblings, M/M, Panic Attacks, Shiro being a good brother, Students, TALK OF NEEDING PAIN, Trigger Waring, What was I thinking???, in a flashback, shy keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 01:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cody_Helene/pseuds/Cody_Helene
Summary: Keith made sure Lance didn’t know how much of a difference he made in his life. Lance didn’t need to know that he was the only thing that made Keith happy, he didn’t need to know that the days they had class together were always his favorites, he didn’t need to know Lance made him feel like he could finally be better, be normal, for once. No, Lance didn’t need that presure.But then one day Keith goes to class and Lance completely ignores him, and maybe he should have told him after all.Lance was having a hard enough time in English without being distracted by the gorgeous boy sitting next to him. Keith. Smart, shy, but still completely badass. And Lance had it bad for him. When he starts failing the class Lance decides he needs to pay more attention to Professor Coran instead of Mr. Mullet Man. After all what could go wrong, he would pay attention to him again after he started passing. Right?OR Keith has a panic attack because Lance is ignoring him and Lance has no FCUKING CLUE how much of an effect he has on him.





	Panic Attack

It had been a bad day... No, scratch that; it had been a bad week. Keith hadn’t taken his meds again, which makes this the tenth day in a row, but could you blame him? Since class started he had been getting better. He knew he was, he could swear he was, and he didn’t think he needed them anymore. Boy, was he wrong. Keith jogged up the stairs to the place he normally met with his classmates before english, his stomach dropping when he saw the only chair left was separated from the rest of the group. He could sit on the floor like he and Pidge had done many times before, but Keith didn’t feel like being the weirdo that sat on the floor today. No, today was a bad day and he didn’t have it in him to be his normal not-so-semi-cheerful self anyway. So he took the seat against the wall, it didn’t really matter anyway. Soon Lance would be here to distract him from Allura and Hunk’s bickering. Soon Lance would make him happy again.  


Maybe it wasn’t fair to pin his happiness on Lance. Maybe depending on one person to bring joy to your otherwise bland life was unhealthy. Maybe he should find another way to be happy. There had to be another way. But Keith didn’t know what that other way was. He did everything he was supposed to do; he got out of bed, he worked out, he ate relatively healthy (he wouldn’t lie, maybe he could try a little harder there), he even tried to get eight hours of sleep every night, which is not an easy feat when your mind won’t shut-up. And yeah maybe he hadn’t been taking his pills lately, but it’s not like they helped much anyway. They just made him feel more like a freak. Besides, Lance seemed happy to be the thing that made him laugh.  


“You like Starbucks coffee?” Hunk said obviously revolted. Hunk was a coffee critic, and apparently Starbucks was the worst of the worst, or as he put it, drinking their coffee was a “crime against humanity.” Keith liked Starbucks, he liked the sugary drinks, not that he’d ever tell anybody. Keith had an appearance to keep up. He was the hard-core punk kid who refused to cut his hair and drank his coffee black. He didn’t drink Double Chocolatey-chips with extra whipped cream. Pffft, no way, definitely not.  


“So what Hunk. They’re everywhere, it’s much more convenient than hand grinding my beans and putting them in a french-press, or whatever you do.” Allura was mocking him, Hunk was red in the face, and Pidge was, as always, enthralled in the newest book of whatever series she was reading now.  


Keith could never keep up with what Pidge was reading. Yeah, he liked to read, but Pidge literally had a new book every class. He didn’t know how she did it while having the highest grade in the class. Keith shook his head, looking over the railing once again to see if Lance had shown up yet. There he was, walking through the door in all his army green jacketed glory. His hair floated in what used to be Keith’s hairstyle, before he stopped getting it cut. People thought the mullet was his choice, and maybe it was now, but it wasn’t a statement like tons of people thought. it wasn’t him “sticking it to the man” (how could a haircut do that anyway), no, he stopped getting it cut to save money for school.  


Ever since his parents left, it was just him and his brother, Shiro. Working to support a family is not something you can do while in college, not while also paying for the more inconsequential things like haircuts, and different kinds of soap for your dishes, laundry, and body. Why the fuck there were so many kinds of soap, Keith would never know. After Shiro graduated and started a real career instead spending as many hours possible working at the diner down the road from their apartment, Keith didn’t have to worry as much about paying for things like rent and phone bills. Sure, he still paid for the nonessentials but Shiro insisted on Keith saving as much money as he could. Shiro was the best big brother he could have asked for. He was there throughout all the big steps in Keith’s life, supported him when he came out as gay, made sure he always had the medication he needed, was there whenever he had a panic attack, asuring Keith he wouldn’t leave like everyone else had. There were no words to explain how grateful Keith was for Shiro.  


Keith shook himself back to the present. He had enough to worry about without the bitter-sweet memories dredging up unwanted emotions. He smiled at Lance as he made his way up the stairs, and did one of those fuckboi head nods, expecting Lance to jokingly do the same like always, but he just looked away. Keith’s eyebrows drew together. To say he was confused would be an understatement. _‘Maybe he just didn’t see me.’_ Keith thought turning his attention back to the argument in front of him, which was now full blown. Lance would come over soon. He didn’t need to worry about it.  


“Do you want to fight? Let’s go right now, I’ll so kick your ass.” Allura said, but Hunk looked unconvinced. Allura’s eyes snapped to Keith. “Keith, I could kick Hunk’s ass, couldn’t I?”  


Keith didn’t have to think about it much, he’d been on the other side of one of Allura’s ass kickings before.  


“Yeah, totally.” He muttered looking away again.  


His eyes found Lance as he emerged from the steps. Keith’s heart beat faster as he waited to see if he would turn and walk over to him like always, with that one-million-watt smile on his face. He hesitated for a moment at the top of the stairs, glancing down the hallway where the classroom was, then, without even sparing a look at Keith, he went and leaned against the wall across from the still locked classroom door.  


Now Keith was sure he had done something wrong. He thought back to last class they had had together and back to the conversation they had had the night before, trying to come up with where he had gone wrong, he needed to fix this before it got any worse. He needed to fix this before Lance decided life was easier without Keith. Before Lance left for good.  


Keith sat for about five minutes thinking hard and tugging at his jacket sleeves, a nervous tick he had developed when he was younger and started wearing the jacket everywhere. It didn’t feel as it once had. There was no stinging sensation as the jacket rubbed away the fresh scabs on his wrists, and there was no pain to distract him from his thoughts, none of the pain he used to find comforting. No, now the feeling was a different kind of comforting. It reminded him of what he had been through, what he had overcome, and what he never wanted to experience again. His memory deep-dive was interrupted when Professor Coran walked up the stairs, taking them two at a time, huffing and puffing as if he had run from his car, which he probably had. Professor Coran was always late.  


“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” He said as he made his way down the hall, waddling slightly as his overstuffed bag pulled at his left shoulder. Keith had stood as soon as he saw the red headed man and was tailing him, while trying to come up with something to say to Lance, now that he had an excuse to approach him. _‘Lance, the always talkative boy who never shuts up. Lance, the reason I almost failed the last assignment after not paying enough attention during class. Lance, the boy who is currently ignoring me.’_ Keith thought as he entered the hallway. But apparently, he didn’t have to worry about it.  


The moment Keith entered the hallway Lance’s eyes found his own, but before Keith could send him a questioning look or a patented eyebrow raise, Lance had pushed off the wall and was shoving his way passed Coran and out of the hallway. 

Something was definitely wrong.  


Keith slouched into his seat across from Hunk and pulled out his phone. There was only one thing he could think of doing. He opened messages and pulled up his conversation with Shiro.  


_‘Umm… I think he’s ignoring me.’_ Keith sent the text.

  


It didn’t take long before his phone buzzed with a reply. Keith knew that even though Shiro was at the lab he would answer. Shiro always answered.  


_‘Who?’_

  


Keith rolled his eyes. Who else would he be talking about, besides the brown haired boy who’s name had always been on his tongue lately? Of course Shiro was aware of who he was talking about. He just liked to see Keith say it. He liked to see Keith blush. Not that Keith blushed. No, he had a reputation to uphold.  


_‘Lance.’_

The three dots popped up immediately.  


_‘That’s weird. He’s always been nice to you in the past.”_

  


_‘Yeah, very. He didn’t even say hi’_

Keith once again thought back to the night before. There had been something that bothered him about last night. He wondered why he just noticed then.  


_‘Also he gave me one word answers when I tried to text him last night.’_

  


_‘Ask him about it?’_

Yeah, like Keith was going to do that. There was a long list of things he was afraid of: abandonment, embarrassment, standing out, annoying people, and lastly, confrontation. Keith was torn between laughing and crying at the idea of asking Lance what he had done wrong.  


_‘No. He's literally avoided me. Also he looked away as soon as we made eye contact and walked downstairs?’_

  


_‘Something’s probably wrong in his personal life Keith. He might just not want to fake happiness.’_

  


_‘No shit Sherlock,,, of course something’s wrong, but he normally talks to me for like ten minutes before class.’_

  


Keith purposely ignored the part about his personal life. He didn’t have time to think about all the shit that could have happened to Lance to make him so upset. No, instead he was overthinking and trying to figure out what he had done. The door creaked open calling his attention away from his phone as Lance walked in, and sat in his normal seat next to Keith.  


_‘Hold up he just walked in.’_

  


“What’s up?” Keith whispered, as he leant in closer. Lance just nodded.  


_‘WTF?! I said what’s up and he just nodded! I don’t think I’m being paranoid?’_

  


_“Keith, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re going to have to ask him what’s wrong.”_

  


Keith rolled his eyes again. Shiro wasn’t helping with anything, besides giving him extra anxiety at the idea of asking what was wrong.  


_‘Gtg class starting.’_

  


Keith typed it quickly, locking his phone and placing it in his bag.  


Lance had sat with his back toward him, looking to the front of the room, and was actually paying attention to what Professor Coran was saying. He never payed attention.  


Keith’s breathing was becoming difficult. He had been on the verge of a panic attack for the past two days. This had already been an awful week, Lance ignoring him was just pushing him over the edge.  


Keith bent over to dig in is backpack for his notebook. Whenever he was panicking, he wrote, but he couldn’t find his notebook.  


“Fuck.” He muttered, pulling out his class notebook instead as he searched for a pen. He had forgotten to put his pen back as well.  


Keith’s breathing was becoming more difficult as tears poked at the corner of his eyes. His phone would have to do. Keith unlocked his phone once again, opened notes, and began to type.  


_It’s getting hard to breath and I don’t know why. I wish I had my notebook so I could write, but I forgot it. I don’t even have a pen. I’m trying to steady my breathing but it’s hard, harder than normal. I’ve been having a bad week. I wonder why it chose to present itself now. There were so many better times to break down, times when I didn’t have the boy that I liked sitting right next to me._

  


Keith’s thumbs stilled on the keyboard.  


_The boy that he liked?_ No he couldn’t, Lance was just a friend, a super cute friend, but still just a friend. His felt his heart racing and his stomach dropping. He heard the kid on his otherside sigh, which made him wish he could do the same. His breathing was even shallower now. He decided to ignore what he had just written, to deny it for a little longer, and move on. He could figure everything out later, in a few days when his meds kicked back in.  


_I don’t want to break down. I should be listening, but I can’t. I should be learning, but I can’t. I should be breathing, but I can’t. I wish I were somewhere else. Somewhere I could sit on the floor and breath deeply. It’s easier to breath on the floor. The ground is solid beneath me, and the air is cooler. But I can’t sit on the floor here, not in class, not in front of everyone._

  


Lance saw Keith typing away angrily on his phone and heard his heavy breathing. His self shame quickly melted away into concern for the boy next to him.  


Lance had been distracted all day. Distracted and exhausted. He hadn’t slept the night before. Instead, he was up all night worrying. Lance was not doing too hot in this class, the easiest class ever, and he may as well be failing How appropriate. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand the material or that he wasn’t paying attention (though he would admit he could have be paying far more attention, but that was a difficult task when someone like Keith Kogane was sitting next to him, or when all he could do was imagine his smile and hear his laugh… Get it together McClain). It was the pressure that was really getting to him. Lance came from a big family, but he was the first of his generation to go to college. Yeah, it was a community college, but it was college nonetheless. The pressure had been so much that he did everything in his power to avoid his work. He would drive his younger siblings and cousins to soccer practice and art classes, he would make dinner for the whole family, and he had even started volunteering at an animal shelter that he definitely didn’t have time for. And so maybe he had missed the last few deadlines, maybe he hadn’t turned in the reading responses, maybe he hadn’t read the assigned readings at all. And he had nobody to blame but himself.  


But then there was Keith… Keith was perfect. He was so smart and funny and strong, and he did this cute little crinkle thing with his nose when someone did something he didn’t like. Lance would always remember that day the kid at the table next to theirs called another kid a ‘fag.’ Keith’s nose crinkled up, and at the time Lance hadn’t expected anything else of it. Professor Coran had been listening to a group of kids working on their class project in the corner, but Lance had seen him stiffen at the word.  


Lance’s eyes had flashed back to Keith as his chair fell backwards onto the ground, now empty. Lance had watched as Keith, a normally quiet boy who tried to draw as little attention possible, had made his way over to the other desk, and quickly stood to follow. He had gotten there just in time to hear Keith growl, “What did you say you twat-waffle?” Lance had wanted to laugh at the insult, he had wanted to melt at the growl, but instead he stood silently, waiting in case he needed to step in. The boy shrunk into himself and coughed awkwardly mumbling a small ‘sorry,’ but Keith didn’t seem satisfied.  


“I asked you what you said.” When the boy didn’t answer, Keith had grabbed his chin making him look up. “What did you call him?” His voice had been calm, but Lance didn’t relax, he knew that Keith had a hot temper. He knew that he could snap at any moment. The boy answered and Keith made him apologize to the other boy. He muttered a quiet “Don’t say it again” before dropping his chin and returning to their table, proud.  


Lance had been proud as well.  


But that Keith was not the one sitting next to him now.  


Now he was shaking and collapsing in on himself. When Lance looked at Keith, all he could feel was concern. Concern for the boy who hardly ever smiled but when he did, Jesus Christ, it was beautiful. The boy who always smelled like off brand dish soap. The boy who always wore the most ridiculous leather jacket and fingerless gloves. Lance tried to peak at Keith’s phone, but the screen was shaking too much. Keith’s hands were shaking too much. He kept on typing as Lance’s eyes made their way up from his hands to Keith’s profile. Keith was biting his lip, something Lance would have found startlingly attractive in other circumstances, but looked to be on the verge of tears. Before he could even think about it, before he could think about the way he had been avoiding Keith the whole day, before he could think about how much Keith intimidated him with all his attractive smartness, Lance placed his hand on Keith’s shaking arm. The boy jumped, but watery eyes rose to meet Lance’s.  


“Are you okay?” Lance whispered, he tried his hardest to show how much he actually, truly cared how Keith was, because if Lance knew anything about Keith, he knew he would hide his emotions at all costs. Keith’s bottom lip slipped out from between his teeth and started to tremble. His grip tightened on is phone so much that Lance worried it would shatter. But Keith was more worried about himself shattering than his phone. He frantically shook his head pushing is chair back roughly, just like he had so many classes before to confront the other boy, and ran out of the classroom, arm covering his face.  


“Shit.” Lance said under his breath, now alone.  


He looked up to the front of the room where Professor Coran was staring worriedly at the door, Lance didn’t blame him.  


Keith had never left in the middle of class before, not even to go to the bathroom. He definitely never ran out on the verge of tears. After the last incident he tried his hardest to blend in, and he was good at it. Lance was surprised someone hadn’t sat on him by now. Lance stood as well, grabbing both bags that were laying at his feet, and made his way out of the classroom, intent on finding Keith, grades be damned.  


Keith sank onto the floor of the stairwell. He was mortified. What was he thinking? What was Lance thinking? He thought he could just ignore him all day and then look at him like that? Like he actually cared? No, he couldn’t. Not if he didn’t want Keith to break completely.  


“Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.” He told himself, slapping his face with each word, as his tears started to fall. He breathed in, taking his first deep breath for what felt like days, and pulled his knees to his chest.  


_‘Did Lance actually care?’_ He asked himself.  


“No, of course he doesn’t care. He’s been ignoring you the whole day. Why would he start to care now.” He said to his knees.  


Keith was tired. Tired of pretending he didn’t care what people thought of him, tired of trying to be invisible, tired of holding in his tears.  


Abandoning the deep breathing he let the sobs wrack through his body. His cries bounced off the walls surrounding him, it made him feel less alone, like he had a million people crying with him.  


But he knew he didn’t. He knew all he had was Shiro, and he didn’t want to bother his brother right now with his stupid mental issues.  


Keith was so deafened by his own crying that he didn’t even hear the stairwell door open.  


“Keith?” Lance called quietly, but Keith still didn’t hear it.  


Lance walked up to the first landing, only to find a crumpled ball crying in the corner. His heart ached as he stood in front of the normally stoic boy.  


“Keith.” He said again, his voice dripped with sadness and pity.  


Keith finally heard him and he didn’t like it. He didn’t want pity. Who ever wants pity? It made him feel gross, sticky like he hadn’t showered in days. 

His sobbing stopped, and he shoved his face deeper into his knees.  


“What do you want.” He squeaked out. Keith had meant it to sound uncaring and cold, but his throat was bare from the sobs. Lance slid down the wall next to him.  


“I want to know that you’re okay.” He said with a half shrug. Keith couldn’t see him but he heard the jacket crinkle and felt Lance’s arm rub against his side. The boy let out a sarcastic bark of laughter.  


“Like you care. Can you get Allura please.” Lance wouldn’t lie, that stung. Sure, Keith and Allura were good friends, but Lance liked to think that, maybe, there was a possibility that Keith liked him more. Or at least in a different way.  


“No.” He knew he was heartless to deny such a simple request, especially when the boy next to him seemed so broken. “And of course I care. What in the world gave you the idea that I didn’t!” Lance was raising his voice. Now may not have been the best time to yell at Keith, but he couldn’t help it. The idea of him not caring was absurd. Keith’s head jerked up so Lance could see his face for the first time. His eyes were red and already swelling, his cheeks were a splotchy pinkish color, and his hair was a mess. How it was that he was still able to look so stunning, Lance would never know. Keith narrowed his eyes, his breathing was still unstable.  


“Keith, what’s wrong?” Keith didn’t feel like fighting right now so he just looked back at his knees.  


“I had a panic attack.” Lance knew what that was like. He had had many of is own. Tests were awful and papers were a bitch; he was lucky to get through three days without a panic attack. He nodded and bumped Keith’s shoulder with his own, trying to lighten the mood. All he wanted was to see Keith happy again, and to take his mind off of whatever caused the attack.  


He had no clue the main cause was himself. Not that Keith could ever blame him for it. It was his own fault for letting Lance get so close. He had let down his walls and let Lance make him feel things. He didn’t like feeling things. That’s how he had always gotten hurt. He should have known better really.  


“And how are you feeling now?” Keith didn’t answer for a moment, as if he was really evaluating every inch of his psyche. His breathing evened out, and Lance felt him shrug. “Why were you panicking?”  


For a minute, just a minute, Keith had felt fine, but now his heart was pounding again, he felt like he had a tree growing from his chest, taking his oxygen for itself, and tears once again rushed to his eyes.  


_‘It’s a simple question Keith. You don’t have to tell him it was because you are so into him that you couldn’t imagine life without him. Just make something up.’_ Keith thought hard, trying to come up with a reason.  


“Keith?” Lance sounded panicked as well. “Is it happening again?” All Keith could do was nod. Lance quickly resituated himself so that he was facing Keith, and grabbed his hand, placing it on his own stomach.  


“Focus on my breathing Keith. Match with your own, okay?” Keith nodded again. “Don’t try and keep away the tears. Ignore them. Only focus on our breathing.”  


Keith was trying to do what he was told, but honestly all he could focus on was his hand on Lance’s stomach, and the muscles moving beneath it. Contracting and relaxing, contracting and relaxing. It took him a few minutes to realise that he was, in fact, feeling Lance’s breathing, and matching it with his own, the whole time Lance muttering to him.  


“Good, Keith. There you go.” His breathing may have been less erratic, but the tears were still flowing freely. “Keith, what do you normally do to stop your panic attacks? Do you have meds?” Keith nodded again. “Have you been taking them?” He shook his head. “Why?” Keith couldn’t answer that with a nod, so he took a deep breath and prepared to speak.  


“I’ve been feeling better lately, less stressed, less anxious, less depressed. I didn’t think I needed them anymore, school was making me feel better…” Keith’s voice cracked. He knew he had to say the next part. “You were making me feel better.” He looked to where Lance was still holding his hand, trying to avoid eye contact. When Lance didn’t say anything, Keith looked up to see him stunned. _‘Now or never,’_ he told himself.  


“Why were you ignoring me?”  


Lance’s face went slack, his eyes widened, then his eyebrows drew together as if he was confused. He dropped Keith’s hand like it was a wasp nest and stood. Keith pulled his hand back into his chest.  


_‘See, you never should have said anything. You implied that you like him and look what happened. He’s so disgusted he doesn’t even want to be near you. Say goodbye now, Keith, cause you’re not going to see him again. He’ll block your number and ignore you in class. You need to do something before he gets the chance to hurt you more.’_  


Keith stood as well and looked down at his feet. “Sorry.” He mumbled snatching his bag up from the ground. “I’ll uh…” His voice broke, his throat was still sore from crying. “Goodbye.”  


Keith spun on his heel taking the stairs up. _‘Why are you going up? God you’re an idiot, you can’t even get this right. The door out is downstairs!’_ He ignored his inner voice, there was a balcony upstairs, he could hideout there for a while, anything if it meant not having to walk passed Lance again.  


All Keith heard behind him was the pacing of Lance’s feet, he was probably trying to decide what to do with him. Straight guys didn’t like it when their guy friends had crushes on them, Keith guessed.  


Lance watched his back as Keith retreated up the stairwell and continued to pace. He couldn’t believe he was the reason this happened to Keith. He caused this. Lance didn’t know what to do with this new information. _‘He’s never going to forgive you.’_ Lance told himself. _‘Hell, I’ll never forgive you.’_  


All Lance could think about was the sight of Keith crying and shaking, curled up in a ball, sitting in the corner.  


“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Lance always messed everything up. Even when he was a kid in the elementary school play and he was supposed to be in love with Cinderella. All he could think about was kissing the boy who played one of the mice. The worst part was, he had. His Abuela swore he hadn’t ruined the play, but he saw the looks on everyone’s faces.  


It was nothing compared to the hurt in Keith’s eyes when Lance had pulled away, the hurt in his voice when he had said goodbye.  


_‘And you didn’t say anything back! You should have stopped him, you should have caught his arm and told him how you really felt.’_  


“Idiot.” Lance stopped pacing and faced the wall resting his forehead against it. “You’re such an idiot.” Tears began to build in his eyes, and he hated it.  


Lance was never one to hide his emotions, but that didn’t change the fact that he absolutely despised crying. He didn’t hate it because he thought it made him weak. He didn’t think he shouldn’t cry because, as his father had said, “boys don’t cry.” (Lance still remembers the day his dad told him that, and how his Abuela had almost hit his father over the head with a frying pan. “Children cry.” She had said) Lance hated to cry because he knew people always had it worse. What right did he have to feel sorry for himself when there were people out there who didn’t have half of what he had. No loving family, no food available whenever he wanted it, no proper schooling. And so Lance didn’t cry.  


He slapped the wall trying to get the tears to stop. He slapped it again and again but it didn’t work, he needed something else. He needed… More. More pain, more distraction. That’s how it worked, right?  


He pulled back from the wall slamming his fist into it instead. Of course nothing happened, not to the wall that is… He swung again, needing to feel the brick bite into his knuckles. He felt skin rip and hit again, but the tears didn’t stop.  


Lance leaned his back against the wall sliding down to the ground. Red smeared behind his jacket on the otherwise white walls, but he didn’t care. All he cared about right now was Keith. _‘Where had he been going?’_ Lance asked himself, _‘What was upstairs?’_  


“The balcony.”  


Finally Keith had made it to the balcony. He sat on the edge, slipping his legs under the bottom railing. The plants that were kept on the balcony shifted in the wind. Keith’s breathing was finally stable. Now all he had to do was wait until he didn’t feel like crying. Then he could hop on his bike and ride home.  


Keith was so distracted with his thoughts he didn’t realize he wasn’t alone until a hand landed on his shoulder.  


“Is that why you broke down? Because I was ignoring you?” Keith stiffened at the contact, Lance took the hint and pulled his hand away. His breathing sounded uneven, his voice bare. _‘Had he been crying?’_ Lance took his silence as confirmation. “Oh my god Keith, I’m so sorry.”  


“No Lance. I’ve just been having a bad few days. It’s not your fault. How stupid would I be to let someone like you lead me on, and have that big of an effect on my mental health.” Keith heard Lance’s jagged inhale. Maybe that was too harsh? _‘No Keith, you need to get away from him, don’t let him hurt you more.’_ He argued to himself.  


“Someone like me?” Lance sounded confused and hurt, but Keith kept his eyes trained on the horizon.  


“Yes. Someone like you. Someone who can go from what could have, maybe been, flirting to ignoring me so seamlessly. Someone who doesn’t seem to even give a shit about me, even when I couldn’t stop caring about them. Someone like you.” He gathered as much venom as he could to get the other boy to go away, but Lance stood solid behind him.  


Lance let out a bitter laugh. “How can you still believe I don’t care about you? Look at me, Keith.” Keith stayed still and silent, staring across the campus. “Keith, I said fucking look at me!” Keith’s head snapped to him, ready to give him the worst glare he could. But any ideas of pushing Lance away faded when Keith looked at him.  


He looked awful, so different than he had just minutes ago in the stairwell. His lip covered with bite marks, his eyes red, his hair was a mess, and lastly his knuckles looked as if he had had a fight with a brick wall and lost. Keith stood, walking towards him, and grabbed his hand to get a closer look at the rips in his skin.  


“Jesus Christ, Lance, what did you do?” Lance tugged his hand, pulling his closer and into a hug. He squeezed Keith bone crushingly tight. Normally that much physical contact would send Keith spiraling, but he was already at the bottom with nowhere else to go. And it felt nice.  


“That’s not an answer to my question Lance.” Keith was done with bullshit. He just wanted the truth so he could move on with his day. And if Lance was leaving him, move on with his life.  


“The thought of making you feel like this Keith… I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you. Well I did but… I did it because you intimidate me…” Lance was nothing if not ashamed by the confession. he was intimidated by a boy who was afraid of himself. Keith tried to pull away to see him fully, but Lance held him tighter.  


“How?”  


“Well let’s see. to start you’re super smart, I mean you have the highest grade in the class, next to Pidge of course. I don’t think Pidge sleeps, I think she’s a superhuman.” Lance stopped his rambling. “That was off topic…” Keith snorted. Lance was glad to hear Keith was laughing again and smiled at the sound. “That’s not all. You’re super cool. I mean have you seen you? You’re so badass, and you’re not afraid to stand up for yourself when the time comes.” At this point Keith was glad Lance wouldn’t let him pull away, what with his cheeks probably being the color of cherries. “Oh, and to top it all of you’re completely gorgeous.” This time Keith did pull away, just to make sure he heard right.  


“I’m sorry, what?” Lance just smiled. He wasn’t even red, which wasn’t fair considering Keith resembled a fire truck. Lance shrugged. “No. What did you say?” Lance’s smile shrunk into a smug smirk.  


“I said you’re gorgeous.” Lance leaned forward, breaking back into Keith’s personal bubble, broken knuckles brushed against his cheek. “Stunning.” He grabbed his hand again, pulling him even closer. “Breathtaking.” At this point Lance was inches away from his face, and Keith watched as his smirk slipped away, he watched as his eyes trailed down to his mouth, he watched as uncertainty crossed his normally confident features.  


“I’m sorry for what I said.” Keith said at the same time Lance asked, “Keith, can I kiss you?” Lance ignored the apology. Yeah words hurt, but now he had the boy who had said them in his arms and there was only one thing he could think about. Keith was terrified at the idea to say the least. What if his breath smelled? What if he tasted like the peeps he had for breakfast? What if he was a bad kisser?  


But for the first time he was able to put all of those thoughts out of his mind, banishing them to the furthest corner of the universe. Keith closed the gap himself. Lance seemed surprised, but he kissed him back immediately, wrapping his arms around Keith’s waist. It wasn’t long before Lance pulled back smiling the brightest smile Keith had seen yet.  


“Well, that was better than I imagined.” He said. And before Keith could question the fact that Lance had imagined kissing him, he brought his lips back to Keith’s.  


_‘All in all.’_ Keith thought smiling into the kiss. _‘Not a bad day.’_

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! This is my first fic, and it’s my baby. Yeah it actually happened to me except the boy didn’t give a shit so that was fun! Let me know what you think plsss. Oh and give some love to my bestie Mo (Tumblr: keithsjuicebox), she really helped me out with editing, and she’s the best in general so yeah.  
> -Enna  
> Tumblr: cody-helene


End file.
